Well, it's done.
My first Christmas without my Secret Keeper. I did pretty good and continue to find my gratefulness. I am so very thankful. Any sadness I felt was minor compared to the gratitude and, overall, very bearable.
The kids and I made breakfast Christmas morning and planned a picnic lunch. We took the dog and played a game at the park while eating yummy food. Together, we compiled bags for the homeless that we can carry in our car and restock as we pass them out. Afterwards, we sat in the living room and first went around and told the group what we liked about ourselves. Then we proceeded to tell each person what we admired about them. It was uplifting and so very positive. Each of my young adults put a lot of thought into their words and they honored me with their input on my character. I am so proud of my 4 kids for how they have handled the situation with their father. Each managed it in a way that was right for them and honorable to the world. Each has found a way to attempt to forgive the addict for stealing a once wonderful father and a good husband. Later, I went off to a movie and they had dinner with their father. I hope each contact brings comfort to all but I don't see that at this point. Maybe it's too early....not sure.
My Secret Keeper has not been faring as well as me but since it is not my job to try to fix, and as I could not fix it even if it was, I have stepped back and allowed him to do what he needs to do.
For now, I will work on my resentments. Trying hard to recognize they exist, giving them consideration, allowing myself to see my part in the situation and then, hopefully, letting them go like a feather in a strong breeze. Al-Anon continues to be a source of comfort and empowerment.....I will keep going in the hopes that someday I may be able to give back what has been freely given to me.
One thing I have learned for sure; being purposefully grateful will help any situation. ANY SITUATION! I will continue to practice waking in the morning with grateful thoughts, to my God, to my family and even to my Secret Keeper. I will try to hold onto them throughout the day.
Search for a way to share the kindness in your heart♥