Gratefulness and One Day at a Time

This morning, all I can say is "Thank you."

I am so grateful to be done with the oppressive funk of the last 3 days. That voice constantly reminding me of my solitary walk.  Frustration when the car broke down and I was stuck for hours in this horrible little, freezing cold, garage waiting room. My brain kept saying, "Sucks you're alone." Truth be told, there were a few people I could have called, but not without inconveniencing someone else. And being in the middle of a Pity Party often precludes the capacity to reach out. The ability to be able to just say to a partner, "I'll take your car and drop you back off at work so I can continue with my day," cannot be undervalued.  All those little favors that I could ask my Secret Keeper without feeling like I was messing up someones plans. Additionally, I hate dealing with mechanics because I know they could say ABSOLUTELY anything and I would be at their mercy. I truly don't give a rats ass about engines or tires or warranties, etc. Details, details! Then there was the big scratch in my car door from the mall parking lot....ah well. The computer went on the fritz.....grrrrr!

Calling my Secret Keeper would have been so easy to do. He would have been thrilled at the opportunity to help. But it also would have sent him the wrong message. He would see that as a door cracking open. That cannot happen.

Then a change! I woke Sunday and felt grateful. My morning walk at the beach was filled with one "thank you" after another. My heart is light today and my higher power is reminding me that for the time being, he will be my partner and that's OK. After 34 years, I want and need to know what it feels like to be a little more independent. To be able to count on myself and my tools and my God to get me through this hour, this day, this week and this year. Being able to take each situation, one by one, and know that I will work out a way to fix it, even if that means learning to ask others to give me a hand.

For me, being grateful is clearly the key to slowly mending a broken heart and becoming a more independent person. When I feel grateful, I can concentrate on that task at hand without the bitterness and with minimal sadness tarnishing the moment. With gratefulness, I will get through one day at a time.

Comments

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary sr. soun
Read more

Let's Be Perfectly Clear

I would like your input on this letter I am considering sending out. Darryl, I once considered you, if not a friend, a very friendly acquaintance. Our daughters are the same age. I am sure that your daughter is as special to you as mine is to me. McKenna is 21 years old and starting out her life with some tough situations. SHE IS NOT AN OBJECT. She is a person who has her ups and downs, her struggles and triumphs. She has, in the past year, completely alone, had to make scary medical decisions for her mentally ill, addicted father. She has had to watch as the man who was an amazing father slowly turn into a shell of a man who has little to give and much to take. Whether purposefully or accidentally, you have added to her already difficult year. I wonder…would you appreciate my ex-husband leering and making inappropriate comments to your daughter over the course of a long evening? Think about that for a moment!  What were you hoping to achieve with your behavior? Whether
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  It can be
Read more