Monday, December 15, 2014

Gratefulness and One Day at a Time

This morning, all I can say is "Thank you."

I am so grateful to be done with the oppressive funk of the last 3 days. That voice constantly reminding me of my solitary walk.  Frustration when the car broke down and I was stuck for hours in this horrible little, freezing cold, garage waiting room. My brain kept saying, "Sucks you're alone." Truth be told, there were a few people I could have called, but not without inconveniencing someone else. And being in the middle of a Pity Party often precludes the capacity to reach out. The ability to be able to just say to a partner, "I'll take your car and drop you back off at work so I can continue with my day," cannot be undervalued.  All those little favors that I could ask my Secret Keeper without feeling like I was messing up someones plans. Additionally, I hate dealing with mechanics because I know they could say ABSOLUTELY anything and I would be at their mercy. I truly don't give a rats ass about engines or tires or warranties, etc. Details, details! Then there was the big scratch in my car door from the mall parking lot....ah well. The computer went on the fritz.....grrrrr!

Calling my Secret Keeper would have been so easy to do. He would have been thrilled at the opportunity to help. But it also would have sent him the wrong message. He would see that as a door cracking open. That cannot happen.

Then a change! I woke Sunday and felt grateful. My morning walk at the beach was filled with one "thank you" after another. My heart is light today and my higher power is reminding me that for the time being, he will be my partner and that's OK. After 34 years, I want and need to know what it feels like to be a little more independent. To be able to count on myself and my tools and my God to get me through this hour, this day, this week and this year. Being able to take each situation, one by one, and know that I will work out a way to fix it, even if that means learning to ask others to give me a hand.

For me, being grateful is clearly the key to slowly mending a broken heart and becoming a more independent person. When I feel grateful, I can concentrate on that task at hand without the bitterness and with minimal sadness tarnishing the moment. With gratefulness, I will get through one day at a time.

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