Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Happiness is the Way

I realized today that I'm pretty happy.

How easy it would have been to be the angriest person around. How simple it would have been to step back into that victim role that I wore for such a long time. Be that woman, set out to destroy the one who has hurt me and drag my poor children along the way.

No wonder I had trouble making and keeping friends all these years. Completely unaware that I was a victim but there I was, feeling sorry for myself, focusing on problems in my path instead of the blessings. 

When did that all start? I'm not exactly sure but I think it was very young. I remember being hyper sensitive and getting hurt by small things people said or did. Still now, little incidents from age 2 or 4 sting just a little. How odd that seems.

Then, in my teens, when my life felt so out of control. That's when the real craziness started but once again I was clueless. In fact, I thought I was being strong. I got that chip on my shoulder, nobody was going to tell me what to do or hurt me and get away unscathed. Underneath was just a hurt little person without the tools to process the world properly. That need to control and appear in control ruled my life for a very long time.

I've given that outfit up. It really doesn't fit anymore. I'm giving my daily walk to a God who is in control. I'm handing my kids over to Him. My marriage is His to decide. As I take the steps necessary to protect our assets, I will trust that the right course is set and will flow or change as long as I keep an open heart and get out of the way.

Be kind my friends♥

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