How easy it would have been to be the angriest person around. How simple it would have been to step back into that victim role that I wore for such a long time. Be that woman, set out to destroy the one who has hurt me and drag my poor children along the way.
No wonder I had trouble making and keeping friends all these years. Completely unaware that I was a victim but there I was, feeling sorry for myself, focusing on problems in my path instead of the blessings.
When did that all start? I'm not exactly sure but I think it was very young. I remember being hyper sensitive and getting hurt by small things people said or did. Still now, little incidents from age 2 or 4 sting just a little. How odd that seems.
Then, in my teens, when my life felt so out of control. That's when the real craziness started but once again I was clueless. In fact, I thought I was being strong. I got that chip on my shoulder, nobody was going to tell me what to do or hurt me and get away unscathed. Underneath was just a hurt little person without the tools to process the world properly. That need to control and appear in control ruled my life for a very long time.
I've given that outfit up. It really doesn't fit anymore. I'm giving my daily walk to a God who is in control. I'm handing my kids over to Him. My marriage is His to decide. As I take the steps necessary to protect our assets, I will trust that the right course is set and will flow or change as long as I keep an open heart and get out of the way.
Be kind my friends♥