Anxiety Won't Rule Me

Okay, so today I am feeling very anxious.

 Phone calls and texts from a person with mental illness can make ones life feel completely out of control!

 As I sit here and think about all I have learned in the past 11 weeks, I know that I have not learned enough to deal with this.  Boundaries, detaching with love, being manipulated, passive aggressive behaviors, thoughts of divorce, protecting ones assets.  How is one suppose to act when a loved one suggests that they have no reason to live unless they can have you?  What I need is a masters degree in every "effing" subject. It's all just too much.  

 So.....I take a deep breath. Another and another.  Close my eyes and remind myself not to borrow trouble from tomorrow.  What will happen, will happen.  Back to my old mantra;
~My heart is full of love for my family. I will care for them and myself 
to the best of my ability.  God is in control and all is well~

All does not feel well but I will go with it for now and trust that this is what I need to do to get through my day without needing to medicate myself into oblivion (haha, see Sept 25th's "I Love Life" to know I am joking).  Today is my concern, not tomorrow.  I am trusting that God is in control here and has a plan for me and my loved ones.

 I am feeling a bit better....thanks for listening.

Be kind to yourself and your mentally ill loved ones (with healthy boundaries, of course)  ♥

Comments

  1. HarrietOctober 10, 2014 at 8:40 AM

    Yes, stay focused... <3... I so understand this on so many levels!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

A Journey To Home

Image
My tender hearted girl decided she wanted to foster an old lady. Selkie is 14, is nearly deaf and nearly blind, has a hard time walking and uses her bark to get her needs met.  She got her home, took her for a bath and then basically loved this old girl for three weeks until the property manager decided that it wasn’t a good match (barking too much AND because she is a pit bull).  My girl knew it was probably temporary but she gave that dog a comfortable loving home, away from the chaos of the shelter, for a short time.  Ideally, she would have walked her home but that’s not how it worked this time.  Last night she stood and ugly cried on a strangers shoulder after giving her back.  I love that girl and her sweet heart.  I wish Selkie a new final home full of love. 
Read more

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary...
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...
Read more