Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Letting go of the "Story"

I now understand that the confluence of emotions I have been feeling the last 10 weeks are completely normal. What a relief. Feeling pity and anger, hopeful and devastated from moment to moment left me bewildered. Having my children look at me quizzically when I repeatedly contradict myself. Knowing the right thing one moment and being ruled by emotion the next. The following paragraphs were very helpful to me.

Betrayal is an interpersonal trauma which shatters assumptions about how we view life and the people close to us. Shattered assumptions leave us feeling as though our reality has been blown apart. When we are betrayed our feelings alternate between a sense of numbness and feelings of disbelief. We feel victimized and our lives seem to be out of control.

As you try to unscramble what has happened to you, both your thoughts and actions may spin out of control. You’re likely to become more obsessive, dwelling on your partner’s lies, the details of the betrayal and the events that led to it.

Instead of hanging on to the “story” of your betrayal, give yourself permission to heal. Look beneath your emotional reactions and ask yourself, what are my emotions really telling me? What needs to change and what can I do to take those necessary steps. You can not change what has happened to you but you do need to take responsibility for how you are handling the situation now.   By: Dr. Eileen Borris

As time passes, the ups and downs lessen. My goal is to let go of this "Story". To see my husband as he is, a very sad, broken man with mental illness, just trying to put what is left of his life back together with the tools he has in his tool chest. Perhaps I will play a role in his recovery. Maybe, but I'm not sure....it might just be his time to do it all on his own.

Meanwhile, I have passed my zombie stage and that's quite an achievement.  I can eat and sleep again and am trying to focus on all I have to be grateful for.

As you search for your grateful, be kind to yourself.

1 comment:

  1. I love that excerpt as well! SO TRUE!!!! I had to nod as I read how crazy mixed up reality is in those initial months! Smiling one moment and tears the next! I do recall two book being helpful to me... You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay ...and In The Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant...

    Oh MY Gosh! I use that line ALL the time... everyone is doing the best they can with the tools in their tool chest! And it is SO true!! That alone has helped me learn forgiveness, compassion and empathy...over and over again!

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