An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

My older brother, John, died the other day at the not ripe old age of 62. He was #4 and I am #5.  I called my little bro, we checked in with each other. We realized that our memories had to be very different from #’s 1, 2 and 3. They got to see John as an infant and toddler. They have memories of him growing up. My little brother and I do not have good memories of our childhood with John. He was difficult, often in trouble, had problematic friends, could be manipulative and had a lot of anger. We also do not have many good memories as an adult because he had been partially estranged with intermittent interaction that wasn’t “easy”. He was not an especially good father or husband but he did try to be a good son to my mom. I decided I wanted to share the good that I do remember…… My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer around the year 2000. He came home for the first surgery. It was a big one. Gone were her ovaries, cervix, uterus, the top part of her vagina and a good section of he...

Hi there…..it’s been awhile.  I’m here. I’m reading but just haven’t had much to write about until today. I started the cochlear process. Finally met with the ENT surgeon. He came in the room acting kind of frustrated, started asking loads of questions about my hearing, when I first noticed it, how it manifests itself, how much vertigo I’ve experienced, etc, and then, finally, said that he felt fairly confident that I had been misdiagnosed. Misdiagnosed by four different doctors. FOUR! It’s hard to say if part of this is gender bias. At least two of them were dismissive assholes but they might have been that way to everyone. Who knows? Apparently bilateral Ménière’s disease is fairly rare, and my vertigo episodes do not match typical Ménière’s disease symptoms. My air/bone gap (basically the difference between the hearing through the ear vs bone conduction of sound) is huge, which is not Ménière’s disease typical either. He was angry on my behalf but need not have been. I had more ...

  Courage is what love looks like when tested by the simple everyday necessities of being alive. ~DAVID WHYTE It really does take courage to choose love in this world. To  remove all the guardrails installed with every hurt, every wrong doing, every traumatic event, all the rejections. This week held the first truly clear days in Portland in months. It's been a long, chilly winter. The sun coming up over the Cascade Mountain range was a tender gift of renewal. Today I will choose love. Is there really any other choice? Not for me.