An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

I am developing a sweet, tender relationship with a younger gal who has become precious to me.  In our walk through life, we are occasionally offered the opportunity to be incredibly real, letting down the protective devices formed as children. I have a lot of those protections. My friend and I are both on a healing journey and we are doing a portion of that journey together.  Grateful that I am ready for this, dealing with past pains and taking responsibility for the things I have done that have harmed others, being vulnerable, being utterly honest and know that there will be no judgement.  I do this with some unease but with joy.  1, 2, 3.....here we go......

It was a glorious warm day. The brilliant sun was the sort that dulled the landscape, muting the normally bright colors into pastels. We sat at the park, enjoying the warmth and the light breeze, reading The Power of One. I noticed him as soon as we pulled in. Walking slowly, his deliberate, tentative steps were those of a man that might be considerably older than he looked.  His pants were made for a larger man but the belt cinched them enough that they stayed in place, creating an abundance of fabric folds. The flannel shirt was worn but neat. He walked to his tidy car, late model, affordable from the get go, that was well taken care of. He gingerly climbed into his car and sat behind the wheel, staring at the sporting fields being blasted with water by the high pressure sprinkler system. At one point, the breeze picked up at just the right time, coinciding with the sprinkler gushing in our direction. Both of our cars were sprayed with a light mist. In response, haltingly he...

Today is my Mom's birthday. She would have been 85. Almost 13 years ago we sat in the hospital waiting for the moment for her to be released from her earthly pain. Ovarian cancer is a brutal bitch that, while spending years quietly taking over cell after cell, when finally making itself known, makes sure that you don't spend another waking moment without the knowledge it is there. I am so thankful for having my family to go through that moment together. In that tiny hospital room, with my beautiful mom struggling for each ragged breath, and her thoughts being somewhere else (or was she still thinking....who knows the mysteries of death), there was 9 or 10 of us. We sat and spoke of our love for her and wondered if we knew how to do life without her. I still wonder that sometimes. How do you figure out life without the glue that holds it together? Well, we've done it, of course. Kept going.....but it changed things. The glue has loosened and the parts don't fit th...

I got to meet my first blogging friend. Despite my tendency to worry and my overuse of the "what if's", I wasn't a bit nervous. I felt like I already knew this person pretty well, like an old friend I hadn't seen in a good long while. Dinner was so relaxed and she was just what I expected. Spirited and spunky with an easy laugh and a genuine love for her man. It was fun to watch them spar back and forth but with a twinkle in their eyes, that said "this is exactly where I want to be". What felt like meeting an old friend has turned into a new friendship....and you can never have too many of those. I love blogging.

To My kiddos, I've been spending a lot of mornings at the beach.  Thinking, meditating, in prayer to a god only I can define. It occurred to me that my love for you guys just keeps growing, deepening, becoming richer with each passing year. How lucky I am to love people I actually like a whole lot or am I lucky to like the people I love a whole lot. Either way, in this new year, this new decade, I think the thing I wish most for each of you is a quest for self love.  I wish you the journey to find a way to be kind, care, base your choices in life and love, on a deep sense of love and acceptance for you, wonderful gorgeous you. Happy Saturday guys. 

Where fear used to reign, now I look for comfort. When the tough times come, and they do come, my self talk is less of  “I can’t do this” or “I’m too stupid” and a lot more “You’ll be Ok”, “I can take care of you” and “There’s  nothing to be afraid of, this is just life and you know how to do life”. I’m liking these changes a lot. Good morning from Ventura