She is Fierce

Gratitude doesn't come naturally to her. She has to work at it. Her brain takes her places and tells her things and tries to put her in a box with a too tight lid.

The other day, her thoughts took her to the "Look at what your friends are doing" mode. Never a good place to be but sometimes it sabotages her at just the right moment and swipes her feet out from underneath her. Some of her friends do some traveling to lovely places. Something she has always desired...something she had "planned on for the future" while living life. Now that time has come and the opportunities appear somewhat limited. Finding balance can be hard.

So she focuses on those travelling friends and feels discontented, disgruntled, discouraged. She hears her partner talk about his travel, she dines with him and his ex and they touch on places they have been together and those feelings grow. Eating at the good stuff, the awareness, roof over your head, money to pay the bills, the family and friends....making them seem small, unimportant.

But this girl, she is a fighter!!! And sooner or later, she sees the shadow for what it is and recognizes how it slowly it crept in to steal what she has worked so hard for.

Her partner did travel to lovely places and experienced those different cultures. He was lucky to do that. But he did that while she was raising a family. Would she trade her family for those experiences? Hell no.

To combat the shadow, the ugly voice, she conjures pictures of the people she loves the most and realizes that she'd trade them for nothing because they are precious and make up what is truly good in life.

Fuck off shadow! Shut the hell up you ugly voice.

She's back in the saddle and riding high....

Comments

  1. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)November 6, 2019 at 9:26 AM

    Yes you are fierce woman!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Debra She Who SeeksNovember 6, 2019 at 10:16 AM

    Good catch! You turned a negative into a positive!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marie SmithNovember 6, 2019 at 10:43 AM

    Moments of doubt but ultimately she persists!

    ReplyDelete
  4. anne marie in phillyNovember 6, 2019 at 12:39 PM

    I don't give five fat flying fucks what my friends are doing; I hope they enjoy themselves. I am content with myself and where I am right now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaNovember 8, 2019 at 8:10 AM

      You are a rare breed. That's why I hang with you...you have a lot to teach me.

      Delete
  5. My life so farNovember 7, 2019 at 6:14 AM

    I do that at times too but I'm learning to breathe, five breaths and if that doesn't work, five more. I'm trying to change how I think. It's fucking hard.

    Good on ya!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnnsterwNovember 7, 2019 at 10:24 AM

    You will have everything in your heart... someday. Until then, enjoy the moment you are in because it is amazing!! And I promise, as one that travels, I would trade all the trips for a beautiful child...I was never given that opportunity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaNovember 8, 2019 at 8:12 AM

      How easy it is to lose sight of the fact that the gift is learning how to be content wherever.

      Delete
  7. ColetteNovember 7, 2019 at 10:30 AM

    I like thinking of jealousy as a shadow, one that would possess us and make us miserable for no good purpose. Nice post! One that all of us can relate to.

    ReplyDelete
  8. BillNovember 7, 2019 at 12:29 PM

    Strong and persistent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaNovember 8, 2019 at 8:13 AM

      Kinda of like a Jack Russell. If I were a dog, it would be that one.

      Delete
  9. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)November 8, 2019 at 10:05 AM

    Linda you asked about Rick's mom and I wasn't sure if you'd go back to the blog for my answer so I am sending you this since I don't have your email. If you wish to read his horrible story on his birth mom. I did not think she was a nice woman!https://straightupnochaser.blogspot.com/2011/04/not-oprah-moment.html

    ReplyDelete
  10. JeanieNovember 10, 2019 at 1:11 PM

    Fierce AND wise. And ever so human.

    ReplyDelete

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