Yesterday and Today

30 years ago, this very moment, I was experiencing a whole bunch of firsts.

First time for:

  • being in the hospital (except for my own birth)
  • having surgery
  • being put under anesthesia
  • having my pubes shaved
  • meeting the biggest part of my heart in human form
I remember being so nervous. Feeling out of control. Having to trust practical strangers with so much. Wondering what kind of mom I would be, what kind of parents we would be.

If I knew then what I know now.....I would have cried. Cried for that man who was a good father, who tried so hard, but, in the end, could not hold it all together. I loved him and I remember clearly, despite the fact of being on loads of drugs for the planned C-section, how he held that girl and wept from pure joy. He held her close, just below his chin, as his tear flowed. But I digress....

This girl, who made me Mom, is precious and lovely. I've known her from her very first breath and, yet, there are times where I feel I hardly know her at all. Is it normal I still worry about her thirty years into it?

My heart is full today as I am reminded of the beauty afforded to me in this life. I am grateful.

Comments

  1. Marie SmithFebruary 1, 2018 at 8:37 AM

    It is normal to worry about our babies, no matter their age or ours! Happy birthday to you eldest sweetie! Have a great day, Linda.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Debra She Who SeeksFebruary 1, 2018 at 8:43 AM

    Happy Birthday to your daughter and Happy Birth Day to you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JonoFebruary 1, 2018 at 10:37 AM

    I always wanted to send my mother a birthday card on my birthday. Alas, she was gone before I leaned how to write. I think a good mother always worries at least a little. Happy Day to you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ToniFebruary 1, 2018 at 10:55 AM

    The most glorious and scary gift we ever receive! I wanted to be the 'best mom ever' and discovered that my daughter actually gets the award! Happy Anniversary of one of your best days ever.

    ReplyDelete
  5. MarthaFebruary 1, 2018 at 1:22 PM

    Sweet... Happy birthday to your daughter! Yes, it is perfectly normal that you still worry about her :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. BillFebruary 1, 2018 at 2:10 PM

    My wife and I always worry about our daughter and she will turn 36 later this month. We do our best and that's all you can do. I remember my mom telling me when she visited her mother (my grammy), she still treated her like she was a kid and mom was in her 70s. She worried about her mom and her mom worried back. :)
    Happy birthday to your daughter. Another year wiser, they say. :)
    Have a wonderful day/evening.

    ReplyDelete
  7. anne marie in phillyFebruary 1, 2018 at 3:44 PM

    your daughter sounds like a caring woman...just like her mama.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JeanieFebruary 2, 2018 at 5:12 AM

    My dad worried about me till the day he died and I think that even though I wasn't the one to give birth, I will always worry about Greg and Kevin. It's what we do. What beautiful memories you share here. Your daughter is lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)February 2, 2018 at 8:58 AM

    Beautiful photo of you both!

    ReplyDelete
  10. ColetteFebruary 2, 2018 at 11:50 AM

    Yes, that is normal. It will never stop.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Silver in AZFebruary 2, 2018 at 12:39 PM

    congrats!!! and you aren't a good mama if you don't (always) worry.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Notes From ABroadFebruary 2, 2018 at 1:38 PM

    Mothers worry ,it’s what we do.
    :)
    I have 2, one of each.
    They now think I am the child.
    Or at least they think they know more than I.
    Shhh don’t tell them but they are probably right:)

    ReplyDelete
  13. My life so farFebruary 3, 2018 at 7:21 AM

    We always worry, until our dying days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dApril 1, 2018 at 9:30 AM

      I guess we do. But I'll take it one day at a time because it seems so big.

      Delete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary sr. soun
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  It can be
Read more

Let's Be Perfectly Clear

I would like your input on this letter I am considering sending out. Darryl, I once considered you, if not a friend, a very friendly acquaintance. Our daughters are the same age. I am sure that your daughter is as special to you as mine is to me. McKenna is 21 years old and starting out her life with some tough situations. SHE IS NOT AN OBJECT. She is a person who has her ups and downs, her struggles and triumphs. She has, in the past year, completely alone, had to make scary medical decisions for her mentally ill, addicted father. She has had to watch as the man who was an amazing father slowly turn into a shell of a man who has little to give and much to take. Whether purposefully or accidentally, you have added to her already difficult year. I wonder…would you appreciate my ex-husband leering and making inappropriate comments to your daughter over the course of a long evening? Think about that for a moment!  What were you hoping to achieve with your behavior? Whether
Read more