Walk This Way

On my calendar is the recurring post, "This is the day my life started over". Today is it. Two years ago today I began a journey of a lifetime. I would deny it to no one or, at least, no one with their eyes as tightly closed as mine. 

When I mentioned the calendar post to my oldest she was silent. I knew.....the entry brings on conflicting emotions for both of us. My life did start over, with a struggle, anger, heartache, fear and so much hard-assed work....more work than I've ever done before. But as hard as I've worked to get to this point in my journey, it seems paltry compared to the work the Secret Keeper has to put in daily just to keep walking on this planet. I cannot change that but feel it's necessary to mention it as I cannot be grateful for where I am without recognizing the cost and it's implications on those around me.

There is still far to go to real healing and serenity but I went through some fire and have come out on the other-side better because of it. The fire softened some of the hardness, exposed the hold fear had upon me and showed me that so many other peoples fires burned harder, longer and wreak so much havoc that coming through is impossible. I understand that now.

Today I had a discussion with the Boy Scout. It was about a hurt and a resentment that I was feeling but I didn't throw rocks or shoot arrows, I didn't push away or cut off...I talked and we kissed and it was over. If you are reading this and say "Big Deal" then you are much further on your journey to serenity than me. Congrats and keep going. If you get it, hold my hand and we will walk together.