Actions Not Words For Me

Have you ever read the book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman?

It’s an interesting little book that, although fairly sugary and simplistic, has a great idea. Basically, it proposes the concept that you and your partner feel loved in one or a combination of 5 different ways and that figuring that out is the key to strong relationships.

Chapman has reduced love languages to:

• Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
• Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
• Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
• Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
• Physical Touch: It can be sex or holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.

Chapman suggests that you each do the hard work to figure which one makes you feel loved, express it to each other, and then work on “filling your partners love tank”. 

I’ve know for a very long time that my love language is acts of service. I feel loved when someone cares for me by taking care of my car, cooking me meals, surprising me with a clean house etc. I can remember holiday after holiday feeling disappointed and not knowing why. Flowers and jewelry mean very little to me, while a lovely note that actually expresses why I am loved, a surprise car wash or tune up or a house keeper for a month would have been a thrill. 

Often times we show others that we love them by doing what makes us feel loved. Instinctively it makes sense but ineffective unless your partners love language mimics your own. Interestingly, my Boy Scout loves gifts and physical touch. That’s not my go to but I want him to feel loved and so that is how I try to show it. It’s not hard….I do love the Boy Scout.

He too is figuring out what makes me feel loved and doing a pretty good job of it. Just days before, this pic would have shown knee high weeds end to end.

It's a gorgeous day here in Southern California. I'm feeling loved and am ready for an afternoon round of golf with some good friends. 

Hope your Tuesday is a good one.